Anoint Yourself "The Pumper": Get this Touch-Free Soap Pump!

(14 votes, average: 3.86 out of 5)

At OTD, we believe it’s time you get a damn automatic soap dispenser!

The Simplehuman KT1078 Sensor Soap Pump will be a great addition to anyone’s dingy bathroom. Plus, you can then anoint yourself ‘The Pumper’ … of SOAP that is.

This elegant Touch-Free Soap Dispenser will keeps your hands clean and fecal-free. Just imagine, for the first time in your short miserable life, not having feces on your hands!

With Fecal-Free Hands, You’ll be able to:

1. run your fingers through your girlfriend’s beautiful blonde hair without turning her into a brainy brunette
2. hand feed green grapes into your mistress’s open mouth without her thinking you’re giving her chocolate covered bon-bons
3. bake angel food cake without turning it into chocolate fudge cake
4. wipe an eyelash off your best friend’s mother’s face without her thinking you’re doing brown face painting activities

Okay, that last one was a stretch, but still … you get the picture.

Obscure Cable Guy Reference:

By the way, the title of this post has an obscure reference to the movie “The Cable Guy (1996)“. But wait, it’s not in the script?!?! - you may ask. Trust us, it’s in the jail scene. We’ve watched the movie way too many times.

Hey, let me introduce myself homeboy. They call me the pumper, and i’ll be your friend. - Lonely Black Prison Inmate

Product Description

Leave it to simplehuman to revolutionize the way we wash our hands. The sensor soap pump dispenses soap touch-free to help avoid cross-contamination. Simply place your hand under the sensor to dispense soap automatically. An optional LED light timer blinks for 20 seconds to indicate how long to lather for germ-free hands. Four volume settings allow the pump to dispense preset amounts of soap or lotion. Operates on 4 AA batteries (not included).

• Touch-free operation
• 20 second light timer to insure germ free hands
• Four volume settings
• Continuous dispensing button
• Two-year warranty
• Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 3.1 x 8.2 inches ; 1.4 pounds