Get a Black Belt in Puerto Rican Judo

Puerto Rican Judo, a close relative to “Mexican Judo“,¹ is more of a verbal assault, if anything.

Unlike Mixed Martial Arts, which has beasts like Chuck Liddell or Forrest Griffin firing shots at your face, there are no bruises, black eyes, or broken ribs involved with this verbal martial art.

Come to think of it, aside from flapping your gums, there’s absolutely NO physical activity involved in Puerto Rican Judo. By the way, it’s also perfect to use in a situation where you’re severely intoxicated and need a pickup line to impress a girl you like.

All you have to do is memorize 4 lines to become a Puerto-Rican Judo Black Belt:

1. “Ju Don’t know Puerto-Rican Judo?!?!”
2. “Ju Don’t know if I got a gun?!?!”
3. “Ju Don’t Know if I got a knife?!?!”
4. “Ju Don’t Know?”

And women, when you think you are about to get sexually assaulted, Puerto Rican Judo can be your best defense. This also goes for you guys in prison who are unfortunate enough to be stuck with a cell-mate known throughout the prison system as “The Pumper²”. Just bust out one of the following lines:

1. “Ju Don’t know I got AIDs?!?!”
2. “Ju Don’t know I got Herpes?!?!
3. “Ju Don’t know I gotta take a dump?!?!”

The assailant will not assault you here … at least not “bareback” anyways.

On a serious note; wouldn’t you like to prevent violence at all costs? Remember what Mr. Miyagi taught in the classic film The Karate Kid (1984): fighting should only be used in self-defense.

So next time you get into a bad situation, and you don’t have UFC gloves to give you that mental edge, you can disarm a would-be perpetrator with a little bit of Puerto-Rican Judo. He’ll be so dumb-founded that he will not know what to do next.

That’s it. Practice and stay safe!

If the above does not work, make sure you look at our Anti-Rape Kit.

1. Popularized by stars such as Lionel Mertens, Cypres Hill, and Paul Rodriguez. We like Puerto Rican Judo because it rolls off the tongue better. [^]
2. An obscure reference to the prison scene in the movie “The Cable Guy” [^]