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"Michael Vick" - The HOT New Word of 2007?

Thursday, August 30th, 2007 5:00 am by BGW

Young PupI guess you haven’t gotten the memo yet. Michael Vick is not just an NFL quarterback, or a notorious pitbull killer. “Michael Vick” is also fast becoming the new HOT verb of 2007; primarily used to describe doing something terrible to an animal. The connotations, however, are most effective when describing actions towards dogs.

BTW, a member’s submission and subsequent acceptance from Urban Dictionary proves it: Michael Vick

Today at OfferOfTheDay.com, we offer our readers a new verb and some creative ways to use it.

Usage Scenario #1:
Does your neighbor have an annoying runt of a dog that he or she keeps in the yard? Does this slobbering rat-like creature bark incessantly all day and night? Here’s what you can tell your neighbor when this mongrel keeps you up the night before an important morning meeting:

Put a DAMN muzzle on that thing! I’m gonna hop the fence and “Michael Vick” your dog if it doesn’t shut its trap!

Usage Scenario #2:
Is your son’s dog “Ashley” getting up in age? Does it limp around in obvious pain with one eye sewn shut due to its recent cataract surgery? It’s pretty much asking to be euthanized, isn’t it? Well, here’s how to “break” the news to your son without having to use the word “euthanize” and subsequently having to leave the room awkwardly to retrieve your dictionary in order to explain it to him:

Son. I’m thinking about“Michael Vick-ing” your dog because it’s just getting too old. You have to understand, it’s Ashley’s time. Plus, remember son…dogs don’t have souls like you and me. Remember that, always.

Usage Scenario #3:
Did you accidentally run over your family dog while backing out of the driveway and can’t find the words to break the bad news to the family? Here’s what you can do. Sit your family down on the couch and try this speech out on them:

Boy oh boy. Daddy really screwed the “pooch” this time…LITERALLY. Remember how I told you that I thought I saw Ashley running away this morning…Uhhhh, that’s not entirely true. I guess there’s no easy way to put this…I accidentally “Michael Vicked” the dog this morning while I was reversing out of the garage. I hid her mangled carcass under the pile of leaves next to the Wilson’s apple tree because I was running late for a meeting. The funny thing is, I think their landscapers accidentally bagged her with the leaves, because she’s not there anymore. Hey, look on the bright side guys; at least we don’t need to pay for a cremation. So, who wants to go for some Baskin Robbins? My treat.

Usage Scenario #4 (this one’s a stretch): Only do this scenario if you are one sick puppy.
Do you have a girlfriend who’s out of town for the weekend AND coincidentally have neighbors who have asked you to watch their dog while they’re on vacation… AND simultaneously, you also need an excuse to tell your friends because you don’t want to go out with them later? Well, thanks to OfferOfTheDay.com, you can tell your friends this little number:

Guys, my girlfriend is out of town and I have to watch over my neighbor’s dog…(gulp) my neighbor’s well-groomed, very muscular, athletic, and strangely attractive female dog. I think I’m gonna buy myself a jar of creamy Skippy peanut butter, turn the lights down low, and get “Michael Vick-ulated” by her ALL NIGHT LOOOOOONG BABY!

Now, those of you that got that last one…You’re sick. You truly are SICK! Get your minds out of the gutter already. And those of you who didn’t get it, well you’re probably better off … we just have too much “class” to explain it.

P.S. - We here at OTD do NOT condone any of Michael Vick’s actions, especially his mistakes on the football field. We also do NOT condone Usage Scenario #4.

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11 USER COMMENTS:

By mv on 08/30/2007 at 6:26 am -

All Vicks are lousy athletes.

By Mr. Cruel on 08/30/2007 at 7:26 am -

That reminds me, I need to get some more peanut butter…and a few bandaids. Here are some other words to incorporate into your daily lexicon: “Michael Vick-timized”, “Michael Vick-itude”, “Michael Vick-athon”, and “Michael Vick-erator”.

By Listat on 08/30/2007 at 8:32 am -

You would think that “Vick” would already be in the English dictionary. I got to submit this to Urban Dictionary.

By Tits Magoo on 08/30/2007 at 11:16 am -

Forget new hot verb, Vicklanguage is the hot new Mclanguage! You fellas are genuis. Next time I get into a little scuffle with the supe I’ll look him square in the eye and say, “You can take this Vickjob and shove it!”

By ryadmin on 08/30/2007 at 12:26 pm - <- Administrator

Tits Magoo wrote:

Forget new hot verb, Vicklanguage is the hot new Mclanguage! You fellas are genuis. Next time I get into a little scuffle with the supe I’ll look him square in the eye and say, “You can take this Vickjob and shove it!”

That’s Vick-diculous…

By AVH on 08/30/2007 at 12:51 pm -

Chunky Jif works better. It’s the equivalent of a ribbed condom….”for her pleasure”.

By Jam E on 08/30/2007 at 12:52 pm -

Regarding usage Scenario # 4: “… we just have too much “class” to explain it”; It needs to be explained.

By admin on 08/30/2007 at 12:57 pm - <- Administrator

Jam E wrote:

Regarding usage Scenario # 4: “… we just have too much “class” to explain it”; It needs to be explained.

Seriously Listat. Dogs love Peanut Butter. You ever see that “GOT MILK” commercial with the dog licking his chops incessantly trying to get PB down its throat??? Now imagine some sicko smearing that stuff on certain parts of his/her body and letting their dog go at it. See the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roABFMmp9CE

By KO on 08/31/2007 at 10:38 am -

see you at critical mass and http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/

By ryadmin on 08/31/2007 at 2:31 pm - <- Administrator

KO wrote:

see you at critical mass and http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/

There will be a “critical mass” of dead bikers if you guys get in my way and cause traffic!

By Listat on 09/26/2007 at 9:10 pm -

Listat wrote:

You would think that “Vick” would already be in the English dictionary. I got to submit this to Urban Dictionary.

I submitted “Michael Vick” the verb to Urban Dictionary, and it’s making its way to the top baby!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=michael+vick&page=2

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