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The Hand Sanitizer Manifesto (Part 1)

Monday, September 17th, 2007 4:00 am by RCW

The Hand Sanitizer Manifesto
Answer these questions NOW!

  1. When you wash your hands, does it look like you are prepping for surgery?
  2. Do you quietly vomit inside your mouth when you shake someone’s hand?
  3. Do you avoid touching door handles?…and yes, this includes the one in your own room.

If you answered “Yes” to ALL of these questions, you are NORMAL and can stop reading at this point since you probably have a bottle of life saving antibacterial hand sanitizer in your pocket or purse right now. If you answered “No” to ANY or ALL of these questions, you need some HELP since you obviously don’t know what germs are.

Would you let a colony of ants run rampant in your bedroom? Obviously not. What if I said that there’s a colony of ants running rampant all over your body? Did you piss your pants yet? Look, I’m not here to dazzle you with techno-babble or use words that only a scientist geek would utilize. I’m going to keep my argument short and sweet. Germs are defined as “micro-organisms that often cause diseases”. NEWSFLASH EVERYBODY! - Diseases Kill. I’ll assume that you are convinced and we can move on to discussing ways of avoiding sickness and death.

OfferOfTheDay.com’s Golden Rule:

You should use hand-sanitizer if you touch anything that you can’t account for. (Basically, when you are out in public, “anything” means “everything”)

How to Avoid Sickness And Death

If there’s one thing in life that you CAN control, it’s whether or not to carry anti-bacterial hand sanitizer. They make them in little pocket or purse-friendly sizes, and they even come in pens. You can be the envy of your office and keep a few bottles on your desk at work, like I do. I keep a few in my car so I can use some after I pump some gas. I set aside a section of a drawer in my room especially for hand sanitizer. It is currently filled to the brim with a couple dozen mini Purell bottles - I suggest you also set aside an “Antibacterial Hand Sanitizer Drawer” in your house for the same purpose.

I am often asked the question “Which situations call for using hand sanitizer?”. My answer is simple - “ALL situations call for hand sanitizer“, as made obvious by the “Golden Rule“. Carry it with you at all times…unless you want to die.

How to Use Hand Sanitizer

Squeeze a dime sized portion of hand sanitizer on your hand (Hint: Use your other hand to squeeze the bottle). If nothing comes out of the bottle, this means that you forgot to flip open the top of the bottle…beginner’s mistake. Now rub both hands together and you’re done! To clear up some confusion…just because it’s referred to as “Hand” sanitizer doesn’t mean it only goes on your hands. Evidently, it rubs on everywhere and anywhere, leaving a refreshingly cool feeling.

Hand sanitizer has also made the news lately because teenagers and prisoners have been drinking the gel in order to get drunk or stoned. I only have one thing to say to each of these groups. To the teens: Rock On! To the prisoners: Stick to pruno!

Some interesting facts concerning germs: 10 little tid-bits about bacteria

Tomorrow, Part 2 - Learn Why Shaking Hands Is “DUMB”

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4 USER COMMENTS:

By Listat on 09/17/2007 at 11:25 am -

I’ve been known to slather this stuff in my nether regions after frolicking “unprotected” with certain wenches not to be named in this forum.

By ryadmin on 09/17/2007 at 1:44 pm - <- Administrator

To clear up some confusion…just because it’s referred to as “Hand” sanitizer doesn’t mean it only goes on your hands.

Hand Sanitizer has its many uses. Les Stroud from the show Survivorman, used hand sanitizer as fuel to start a fire.

By ryadmin on 09/28/2007 at 12:33 pm - <- Administrator

I happened to find some guy’s blog and his little experiment with germs called “The Hand Sanitizer Experiment“. This guy is digging his own grave (I’m pulling for him though): http://thehandsanitizerexperiment.blogspot.com/

[…] The Hand Sanitizer Manifesto - Part 1 […]

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