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The "Furry Jerk" has Arrived!

Thursday, November 1st, 2007 8:00 am by RCW

Folkmanis Orangutan PuppetOnce in a blue moon, something extra-ordinary comes along to captivate the world’s attention. Well folks, today we unveil what you’ve ALL been waiting for. This revolutionary product is the one and only Folkmanis Orangutan Puppet… we like to call ours the “Furry Jerk”.

Your Life May Now Begin…

Some owners of the Furry Jerk might categorize him as a “Godsend”. Think about it - this auburn-haired man-of-the-forest has swung down from the treetops of God-knows-where to hang out specifically with you! So, whatever it was that you wanted to do in your life, can now be accomplished with a little help from this wayward creature.

I’ve never been so motivated in my life. I’ve been repeating over and over, ‘If that Furry Jerk can do it, so can I’.

- Anonymous Google Employee

The Furry Jerk will:

  1. help communicate difficult or embarrassing messages to others for you
  2. become your very own personal whipping boy1
  3. increase your anxiety level as you sleep by incessantly staring at you with a perverted “longing” in his eyes (see above picture)
  4. provide that ‘little something’ that was missing in your life since the sitcom “ALF” got canceled
  5. motivate you to realize your dreams
  6. arrive potty trained

We here at OfferOfTheDay.com cannot stress this enough - not since TiVo, or perhaps the iPhone, has a product been introduced that is this REVOLUTIONARY. We were so relieved that Steve Jobs pulled out the iPhone from his pocket instead of the Furry Jerk at Macworld 2007, or we would not be here today sharing this amazing monkey with the world.

The Furry Jerk will change your opinion of what’s important in life. Your pitiful hopes and dreams WILL be realized with this Auburn Delight by your side. Don’t believe us? Let us enlighten you further on all the selling points of owning this spectacular “Jackass-of-all-trades“.

SELLING POINT #1:

Feel the burnReluctant Workout Partner: If you need motivation to get in shape, look no further. The Furry Jerk is an avid Door Gym user and will help make sure you do your chin-ups everyday. Remember, Orangutans are great tree climbers, so hanging from a pull-up bar is no big deal for the little primate.

SELLING POINT #2:

Searchin for pornIntrepid “Data” Miner: Too busy to search for porn? If you need someone to search through and organize your favorite adult bookmarks, he’s your ape. He’ll help you put the “Goo” in Google.

Too busy to “poke” all of your friends on Facebook? Well, Furry Jerk to the rescue! He’ll show your “so-called” friends what’s up.

SELLING POINT #3:

XboxVideo Game Hog: He loves playing video games with or without you (especially the Xbox 360). The Furry Jerk loves killing “The Adoring Fan” in his favorite Xbox video game Oblivion: Elder Scrolls IV.

SELLING POINT #4:

Folkmanis Orangutan PuppetHe’ll share your hobbies: The Furry Jerk will try his best to do ALL the things you enjoy doing. Versatility is his specialty! And remember, he has opposable thumbs.

SELLING POINT #5:

Folkmanis Orangutan PuppetIs your son or daughter a “LOSER” with no friends? If your kid is in need of friends, the Furry Jerk will be one of them. He’s extremely loyal.

Or, perhaps you need a last minute babysitter? The Furry Jerk will also look after your kid… no problem. Now you can take your husband on that much needed weekend getaway!

Product Description

Folks! This is the “holy grail” of puppets. This Orangutan plush puppet is “birthed” by Folkmanis, a maker of over 200 quality hand puppets, character puppets, and finger puppets for over 30 years. This Orangutan hand puppet can supply hours of creative fun. These Orangutan puppets are just like cuddly stuffed animals and are among the finest plush toys made. When you place your hand in the soft Orangutan puppet, the Orangutan comes to life. This auburn-haired “man of the forest” has swung down from the treetops to hang out with you. Gaze into his soulful eyes or have him scratch his belly and make funny faces at your friends. This Orangutan plush puppet measures 25 inches tall.

Facts of Interest:

  • Orangutan means “person of the forest” in Malay.
  • Orangutans live only on the islands of Borneo and Sumatra in Indonesia (Thanks to us, now they can live with you!).
  • Orangutans are one of four species of great ape, along with gorillas, chimpanzees and bonobos.
  • Orangutans spend most of their time in trees. They are mainly vegetarians, with fruit making up over half of their diet.
  • When the rainforest is cut down for lumber and fuel, orangutans have nowhere to live. They are in serious danger of extinction in the wild. So, please adopt a Folkmanis Orangutan puppet today!

Bringing awareness of the Folkmanis Orangutan Puppet to the public has been the crowning achievement here at OfferOfTheDay. So thanks everyone for joining us here to celebrate this momentous occasion.

Do you own a Folkmanis Orangutan Puppet? Click here. If not, he’s up for adoption at one of the these fine online retailers:

  1. A whipping boy is a scapegoat. One who is singled out for blame or punishment. [^]
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10 USER COMMENTS:

[…] » The “Furry Jerk” has Arrived! […]

By Listat on 11/01/2007 at 8:35 am -

Just ordered mine! This product is by far the best “offer” you guys have done.

By ryadmin on 11/01/2007 at 10:03 am - <- Administrator

I expect that these puppets will be flying off the shelves this Christmas season…so folks, get yours before it’s too late.

By Andy Wang's Overhand Right on 11/01/2007 at 10:00 pm -

The Furry Jerk is truly a modern wonder on par with the overhand right.

By mr.newton on 11/02/2007 at 9:58 am -

furry jerk vs chewbacca jr…. cage match… winner??

By The Furry Jerk LOVES Weezer on 11/10/2007 at 12:52 pm -

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By Chewbacca Jr.'s Ballad to Vitamin-C on 11/12/2007 at 11:13 pm -

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By “Almonds are Good!” - The Furry Jerk on 12/07/2007 at 1:51 am -

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[…] Players will find a new dimension to the Wii Fit experience as they easily set their own customized workout routines, or choose 20-, 30- or 40-minute workouts based on how much time they have available. Plus, you can’t forget the fact that the Wii Fit balance board can now weigh your pets! […]

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