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The Cable Guy: One of the Biggest Jerks in Movie History.

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007 4:00 am by BGW
Offer of the Day (10/09/2007):
The Cable Guy (1996) DVD
User Review:
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The bold assessment that Jim Carrey’s character “Chip Douglas” (aka “The Cable Guy“) was one of the biggest jerks in cinematic history is right on the money. We’ll discuss his best jerk-ish quotes and how to incorporate them into your life later on. Now, let’s take a closer look into one of the opening scenes of the Cable Guy where the two main characters meet. Let’s put you in the shoes of “Steve Novacs” (Matthew Broderick’s character who is getting cable installed) for a moment.

Imagine waiting for the cable guy to show up to install cable into an apartment you just moved into. You set aside your whole day for this because you’re sick of watching the same channel over and over again. You patiently wait for his arrival but he’s late (a few hours). You finally decide that he probably isn’t gonna show or perhaps there was a schedule mix-up. So you hop in the shower to take the edge off. While shampooing your hair, you hear three loud, deliberate, “home-invasion” type knocks at your door, followed by the announcement, “Caaaaable Guy!!“. You jump out of the shower, throw your robe on, and yell, “I’ll be right there! Don’t leave!” You’re thinking, if he isn’t deaf, he probably heard that. But, as you lunge for the front door and open it, you witness the cable guy walking away from the door in a very agitated, Michael Myers, Halloween sort of way. Then, the following confrontation occurs:

You: Hey, wait, come back!!
(The cable guy turns around with a disturbing look on his face)
Cable Guy: Well look who decided to show. (said very patronizingly)
You: You were supposed to be here 4 hours ago.
Cable Guy: Was I? So, I’m the tardy one?
(said very sarcastically)
You: Yeah, I was gonna go to that bed and bath place and now it’s closed.
Cable Guy: Well maybe I shouldn’t have come at all, JERK OFF!

What a grade-A JERK right?!?! Putting aside the fact that Chip Douglas was a huge jerk, he DID come up with some very memorable lines in the movie.

Here are some of the best Cable Guy quotes, and how you can utilize them in your daily life:

  1. “She’s all over you like a lampshade.” - Say this classic line when your buddy has a drunk girl falling all over him and then she excuses herself to “powder her nose”.
  2. “Well look who decided to show.” - Say this attention grabbing line when you and a bunch of your co-workers are sitting around the conference table in the middle of a design review meeting and someone comes in 15 minutes late and sits down as if nothing was wrong.
  3. “Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts?” - Say this line to an oblivious airhead who just said something that made absolutely no sense at all and was immediately corrected by someone else.
  4. “I’d strike while the iron is hot if I were you. He who hesitates, masturbates.” - Say this encouraging line to a buddy who is contemplating getting shot down by a hot “model-type” chick he has absolutely no chance with.
  5. “Well don’t dig too deep. You may get burnt by the molten laaaa-vaaa.”- Say these words of warning to a private investigator, auditor, or homicide detective who is digging into your personal history for something you may or may not have done. “F” it!…say it to your doctor prior to your proctology exam as well.
  6. “Well maybe I shouldn’t have come at all … JERKOFF!!!” - Make sure you say this sardonic statement when someone brings to your attention that you’re late to an engagement. The “Jerkoff” is optional, but it must be said stone faced and with an unrelenting voice.
  7. “I can be your best friend or your worst enemy … you seem to prefer the latter.” - Say these cautioning words to anyone who is giving you a hard time about something.

» Join Netflix and Rent The Cable Guy Today!

What are your favorite Cable Guy quotes? Please Comment Below:

Product Details

  • Actors: Jack Black, Matthew Broderick, Jim Carrey
  • Format: Anamorphic, Closed-captioned, Color, Dolby, DVD-Video, Full Screen, Widescreen, NTSC
  • Language: English, French, Spanish
  • Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1
  • Number of discs: 1
  • Rating PG-13
  • Studio: Sony Pictures
  • DVD Release Date: September 15, 1997
  • Run Time: 95 minutes
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2 USER COMMENTS:

By ryadmin on 10/09/2007 at 12:33 pm - <- Administrator

The Cable Guy says the following quote when explaining the future of media and internet:
There’s no end to the possibilities!” — You can also say this when you are explaining death, murder, and crime to your young children.

By Listat on 10/09/2007 at 3:47 pm -

“Well look who decided to show.”

Still a very useful, funny, yet patronizing statement.

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