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The "Braveheart Shower" Explained

Thursday, February 21st, 2008 4:00 am by BGW

William Wallace

Feel like going to work or class without fully showering?

Well, it occurred to me while watching Braveheart (1995), that none of those guys ever took showers. The occasional jump in the lake or frolic in the rain is all you’d ever see from them.

However, in an early scene in the movie, the young William Wallace1 woke up out of his makeshift bed (I think it was actually a table) one morning, brushed his outer forearm against his face a couple of times, and was ready to start his day.

  • NO brushing his teeth
  • NO combing his hair
  • NO changing his clothes
  • Nothing remotely hygienic

From that point on, the term “Braveheart Shower” was born. Here’s how we define it:

A Braveheart Shower is the hasty transition from the state of slumber immediately into society’s daily life with little or no attempt to cleanse one’s self. In essence, it’s a lazy-man’s waterless shower.

It usually involves jumping out of bed, rubbing both hands across the face to remove any crust and excess oil, finger combing the hair, and maybe throwing on a new shirt and chewing some gum.

How to spot someone who has taken a Braveheart Shower

It’s relatively easy. A serious case of “bed-head” is the most blatant sign to look out for. You can also look out for crusty eyes, dirt smudges about the face, and we won’t even get into the vast array of funky smells. To all you college kids, the term Braveheart Shower will probably come up often in conversations as you mingle in the cafeteria during finals.

In high school and college, I’d see a lot of students walking around on campus after an obvious Braveheart shower. Now, sometimes at work, I see the same DAMN thing from full grown men and think to myself, “this guy has NO shame … might as well wear grey sweat pants to work.”

How to use “Braveheart Shower” in a sentence

- After I woke up and realized that I had overslept, I took a Braveheart Shower and drove to work.

OfferOfTheDay Advice

Next time your wife, boss, or classmate makes a snide remark about your unkempt appearance or “impressive” body odor, tell them that you wanted to try an “old school” approach to showering (really old… before they even had showers!). Or you can say that your Braveheart Shower is an attempt at “being green” by saving water.

  1. played by James Robinson [^]
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