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"I am NOT ALF!" - The Furry Jerk

Monday, December 31st, 2007 12:00 am by BGW

The Furry JerkWe’ve received a lot of snide remarks regarding the Furry Jerk and his uncanny resemblance to ALF. Some feeble-minded people actually think that this is ALF. Boy are they sadly mistaken.

We’re here to remind you that this is definitely NOT ALF.

It’s true, they both have beautiful soft auburn fur. Yeah, they both are roughly the same height. And yeah, they both like to eat cats …. but c’mon, one’s an Alien Life Form from the planet Melmac who crash-landed on Earth in the mid-80’s to torment an American family, and the other is an orangutan “man of the forest” who has swung down from the treetops to hang out with you!

Below, we’ve highlighted some “benefits” of adopting the Furry Jerk.

The Furry Jerk will:

  1. help communicate difficult or embarrassing messages to others for you (he is a puppet, not a stuffed animal)
  2. become your very own personal “whipping boy”
    (whipping boy - a scapegoat. One who is singled out time and time again for blame or punishment)
  3. increase your anxiety level as you sleep by incessantly staring at you with a perverted “longing” in his eyes (see above picture)
  4. provide that ‘little something’ that was missing in your life since the sitcom “ALF” got canceled
  5. babysit your kid(s)
    (spoil yourself … take that much needed weekend getaway and leave the Furry Jerk to look after your child)
    CAUTION: DO NOT take this last sentence literally or your child will be dead or unconscious when you return home.

BTW, this is ALF (aka Gordon Shumway) below: Alf

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